Word for 2021 - Recalibration

 When I was asked to give the devotional in our teacher in-service meetings this week, I planned to talk about true, biblical self-care (which is not the same as just taking a bubble bath and eating a piece of chocolate. But, more on that another time). As I went through the rest of my day, however, I sensed that that was not what God wanted me to share. Instead, every time I checked Facebook, posts asking me to choose a word for the year kept popping up. It seemed like all of my friends were doing them. Now, I originally had no thought or interest in participating. But whenever I’d see the posts, the same word kept coming to mind: recalibration. Out of curiosity, I decided to look up the definition. According to Merriam Webster, it means “to calibrate (something) again”. Following up, I checked the definition of calibrate, which means “to standardize (something) by determining the deviation from a standard so as to ascertain the proper correction factors; to measure precisely (against a standard)”. This stopped me in my tracks, but the quote accompanying the definition simply gave me chills: “these systems gradually drift off course so that the navigator periodically needs a fresh point of reference to recalibrate the navigation system”. (Nando Pelusi)

I realized that I had allowed myself to drift in my spiritual walk with the Lord, and had gotten away from the Standard. Has that ever happened to you? Where you get so busy in your day-to-day life that time in the Word, time in prayer, just gets shoved to the side? It doesn’t start intentionally, of course. I don’t know many Christians who say, “Reading the Bible and praying isn’t important or isn’t a necessary part of my life.” What happens, after all, if we married couples quit spending time with our spouses? What would happen if we went days….weeks….months….years without actively seeking them out? The marriage would die, of course. All good relationships, including marriage, must be nurtured in order for them to thrive and deepen. Including our personal relationship with Jesus.

Last year was stressful, no doubt. But now, at the start of a new year, maybe we all need a little recalibration to set us back on the path we should be following. In my life, there are a couple areas where I need to make an adjustment back to my Standard. Most importantly, I need to spend time in daily prayer and Bible study. To that end, I’ve purchased a new 365 devotional and have set aside some time each day to pray and study God’s Word. And two, I need to recalibrate my health. Being overweight and out of shape is not God’s best for me -- particularly in the midst of a pandemic where those who are the most unhealthy are the most at risk serious, long-term, even deadly health issues. I’m back on my eating plan, currently undergoing a 10 day sugar detox that will help recalibrate my body to where it needs to be to begin efficiently burning fat. I’ve also committed to walking what amounts to a mile a day to build up strength and endurance.

What areas need recalibration in your life? What steps are you going to take to make it happen? If you’re not sure, ask God to reveal to you areas where you’ve gotten away from the Standard, and what you can do to get back to where you need to be.

(In doing an online search for Scripture verses relating to this issue, I found an article written by a pastor that sums up exactly everything I wanted to say. You can find the article here: https://www.pastorcare.org/single-post/2017/09/08/do-you-need-to-re-calibrate)

Adultery...More Than Just Sexual in Nature

I've been reading a great book that details a husband's infidelity, what brings it about, and how the couple overcomes it (because, although I haven't finished reading, I'm assuming they do actually work past it). For those curious, it's called "Devotion", by Marianne Evans.

Out of curiosity, this afternoon I read some of her reviews for the book on Amazon. And was stunned at the comments made by some of those who'd left the lowest ratings. They believed that the wife had completely overreacted to her husband's infidelity. After all, he didn't actually have sex with the other woman, "merely" kissed her. They scoffed at her desolation and couldn't believe she drug things out as long as she did. One woman even commented that she'd certainly be mad if her husband ever kissed another woman, but she certainly wouldn't take it to the extreme degree the wife in the novel did.

As if it's really only infidelity -- adultery -- if sex takes place.

What a misguided idea--one that is contrary to Scripture.

Jesus is extremely clear about this. Matthew 5:27-28 states "'You have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery." But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.'"

In "Devotion", Ms Evans makes it clear that from the first time the husband meets the other woman, their relationship is made up a series of choices that slowly turn his head and heart away from his wife, and away from Truth. To see an attractive person and recognize they are attractive isn't necessary evil. Where it starts to turn into a slippery slope is when a second look is given. A conscious thought is made.

In the book, the two characters spend time together, getting to know each other outside of a professional relationship. An emotional connection is made.

Even if there is absolutely no physical contact, once that emotional connection has been made, it becomes infidelity. Even if there is never so much as a kiss.

As a Christian married woman, my heart belongs first to my Savior, and then to my husband. It's a given that my physical demonstrations of the love I feel for him belong only to him. But that emotional connection we share also only belongs solely to him. For me to bestow it upon another man is a slap in the face to him, to our marriage vows, and to God's Truth.

Given all of this, it is completely understandable why the wife is devastated. Shattered. Broken. Her beloved husband has betrayed her trust. That feeling of betrayal doesn't go away overnight. With counseling, and through the grace of forgiveness, it can be overcome. I've seen it happen in other marriages that have suffered through spousal infidelity yet become even stronger afterward.

For us to pretend that infidelity only occurs through sex is potentially damaging. Why? Marriages take work. Especially marriages of long standing. There's talk of marriages becoming comfortable. And while that can be a good thing, I want to warn you not to let comfort turn into complacency, where we take our spouses for granted, or worse, treat them like one of our children.

Keep Christ the center of your marriage. Then, work to keep the flame alive between you and your spouse. No, it doesn't mean things necessarily have to be like your newlywed days. But a spouse that feels cherished, desired, and that they can emotionally connect with their husband or wife is not one apt to fall to temptation when someone comes along offering these things.

Book Review for "Brunch at Bittersweet Cafe" (Saturday Night Supper Club) by Carla Laureano

This is the second in Ms Laureano's Supper Club series. As much as I loved the first book, this one was even better. For one thing, I'm not so much a foodie as one who thoroughly enjoys baked goods and pastries. So reading about Melody's passion for baking (especially her intense love of quality bread) was sufficient to whet my appetite on more than one occasion.

At the opening of the book, Melody finds herself stuck in an unappetizing rut, both in her personal life and professionally. She dreams of owning her own little patisserie, preferably where she can create her favorite breads and French-inspired desserts and pastries. But when she's unexpectedly handed the opportunity to finally bring her dream into reality, will she take it? What happens when she's forced to choose between two loves?

As always, Ms Laureano does an excellent job at character building--so much so that I almost fancied myself a part of the little family of friends. I loved the chance to catch up with the main characters from the first novel, while getting to know Melody and Justin. The amount of research that clearly went into this book was extensive, and it was clear the author did her homework. The romance was sweet, but no overly so, with enough spice to satisfy without being inappropriate (the day-trip date has to be the most romantic idea for a date I've heard in a long time). I especially appreciate that the Christians portrayed in the book are not perfect by any means, as none of us are. They make mistakes, as we all do. Yet, they don't remain stuck where they are, but continue learning and growing in their walk with Christ throughout the book.

I would whole-heartedly recommend this entire series to anyone, and can't wait to learn more about Ana in the next installment.

I received a free copy of the book ahead of time in exchange for an honest review. All opinions and thoughts are my own.

The Christian Response to Refugees and Immigrants

Within our nation and around the world, a debate is raging about immigrants, and whether they should be invited or allowed into countries across Europe---even here. This issue isn't a new one to our country, it's been one we've been debating for years. While I certainly have my views in regard to this debate, the question is, what should our response as Christians be? The fact is, there are many refugees fleeing dangerous situations in their home countries around the world, both near and far. As a result of their very real fears and hopes for a better life, they are entering these countries both legally and illegally. One of the fears of many is that terrorists or drug cartels are getting in with the refugees, lost in a sea of humanity. Is this fear a just and valid one? Absolutely. However, due to their evil natures, they will find a way in regardless.

But in our fervor to keep these kinds of individuals out, we’re only hurting the ones who really, desperately need to enter the country for their own safety. Or for the safety of their children. For what parent wouldn't do just about anything to ensure the safety of their children? A Mexican-American pastor friend of Troy's, Alberto, recently discovered just how far two parents were willing to go for their son's safety.

On a trip with his son to the park to play soccer, pastor Alberto struck up a conversation with a talkative young boy as he watched from the sideline. After chatting about many things, the young boy suddenly said, "I need to talk to my mom!" then proceeded to get his dad’s phone from his belongings.  As he was doing so, Alberto replied to the boy, "You’ll see your mom soon. Why don't you watch your dad as he plays so that when you get home, you can tell you mom about how well he played." That started the following conversation:

    "But my mom isn't at home." 
    "Where is she?” asked Alberto, thinking that she was perhaps at the store or running some errands.
    "She is in Honduras."
    "Honduras?!  Why are you here and not with your mom?" 
    "Because she called my dad and told him he had to come and get me. She told him I was in danger because I am a boy."

Troy’s friend then asked this little guy how he’d made it to the US.  The boy shared with him of their journey which included crossing through the desert in order to make it back.  When he finished detailing their journey, he looked at Alberto and said, "I will never forget going through the desert as long as a live."  Shocked by the candor of this young boy, the fact that he knew his life was in danger just because he was a boy, and the story he told of making their way through the desert, he asked, "How old are you?"  To which the young boy replied, "I'm 4."

In order to truly understand why this mother was so terrified for her son’s safety, we need only read the Honduras Travel Warning, posted by our government online. The following is taken directly from the report:

“Crime and violence are serious problems throughout the country. The Government of Honduras lacks sufficient resources to properly investigate and prosecute cases, and police often lack vehicles or fuel to respond to calls for assistance. The police may take hours to arrive at the scene of a violent crime or may not respond at all. Members of the Honduran National Police have been arrested, tried, and convicted for criminal activities. Many more are under investigation. As a result, criminals operate with a high degree of impunity throughout Honduras.... Honduras has had one of the highest murder rates in the world for the last five years.” (1)

And this snippet from an article from truth-out.org:

"Honduras is one of the most violent nations in the world. The situation in the country’s second largest city, San Pedro Sula, demonstrates the depth of the problem. For the fourth year running, San Pedro Sula has been one of the most dangerous places on the planet outside of a war zone. Its murder rate in 2014 was an astonishing 171 per 100,000. The city, which is caught in the crossfire between vicious criminal gangs, has been the largest source of the 18,000 Honduran children who have fled to the United States in recent years.... The vast majority of killings in Honduras are carried out with impunity. For example, 97 percent of the murders in San Pedro Sula go unsolved." (2)

We need to understand that the overwhelming majority of the people coming into our country illegally are not doing it to thumb their noses at our legal system. They’re not here with the express purpose of stealing our jobs and collecting as much welfare as they can. And while I understand the concern about the drain on our economy, let me gently point out that taking care of them, helping them, is not the government’s job. I believe Jesus would have this be the role of the church.

Nowhere in the Bible does it state we are only to take care of those of our own nationality. Let’s consider Luke 10:29-37. In this passage, Jesus told a parable about an Israelite man who was journeying from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the road, he was robbed, beaten, and left for dead. Two men -- his own countrymen, two religious leaders! -- passed him by and did nothing to help him. One man stopped to help him. He put him on his own donkey, took him to an inn, tended to him, then paid the inn keeper for his care, all without expecting anything in return. Who was this man? This “good Samaritan”? A literal Samaritan, considered the dogs of society by the Israelites. To the rest of the Jewish nation, this man was a mere peasant in the social structure. Yet he was the one, not the man’s own countrymen, who offered aid.

God’s message is clear: we are to help those in need. Regardless of who they are. Many are concerned about the president’s consideration to offer aid to the Syrian refugees. Is there the possibility we open a door to terrorists and drug lords when we open our doors in welcome? Yes. As I said before, however, they will find a way in regardless. And as Christians, are we really prepared to stand before God on judgment day and say, “I’m sorry we didn’t help the needy. We were afraid of what might happen,” when asked, “Why didn’t you feed My sheep? Why didn’t you clothe My children? Why didn’t you care for My lost?” I don’t know about you, but that’s one conversation I don’t want to have with God.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." (ESV) Friends, we know where fear comes from. And of course the enemy doesn't want us being the hands and feet of Jesus. He doesn't want anyone to come to Christ! His design is to paralyze us with fear, preventing us from acting.

Perhaps it’s time we in the church stop pointing fingers of responsibility and boldly ask God what He would have us do. How He would have us care for these lost children, trusting Him that His perfect will shall be carried out.

(Links - (1) http://travel.state.gov/content/passports/english/alertswarnings/honduras-travel-warning.html; (2) http://www.truth-out.org/opinion/item/29431-can-the-violence-in-honduras-be-stopped)

Responding to Broken Marriages

In light of the further fall of Josh Duggar this week, many have asked what his wife, Anna, is going to do. Will she leave him or will she stay? Many of the sites I've seen and the comments made have urged her to take her kids and leave him. Regardless of the committment they made to each other when they married that divorce was not an option. Many of the individuals, upon hearing of her plans to remain and work through the gaping wound his infidelity (and other sexual sins) has rendered upon their marriage, have openly scorned her choice.

Even fellow Christians.

"The Bible gives clear recourse for divorce if a spouse is sexually unfaithful," they say. While it is one of the Biblical reasons for divorce, I think it's dangerous for us to urge other Christians to take this step. I would never encourage a fellow brother or sister in Christ to consider divorce unless their lives -- or their children's lives -- were in real danger, as in the case of abuse.

Anything else can be healed. Anything.

I'm not saying that a marriage broken through infidelity will ever be what it was. Once something has been broken, it is never the same again. But we discount God's healing grace if we believe He can't restore shattered lives. Because by encouraging our fellow Christians to divorce cheating spouses, that's exactly what we're saying. That there's nothing God can do to save the people, save the marriage, save the family.

There are many marriages that have been touched by infidelity. Marriages that, with God's grace and marital counseling, develop into a relationship that is even better, even stronger than it was before the unfaithfulness. There may have been people encouraging those women to leave their husbands, as many are doing to Anna. The biggest difference between them, however, is that she is living this heartbreak, this nightmare in front of an entire country of people waiting to cast judgment upon her, her marriage, and her family. Some say they deserve it for putting themselves in the limelight. Friends, nobody deserves that.

Our response to Anna Duggar and other women like her should be one of love. We should pray for them. Pray for the unfaithful spouse's repentance. Pray for the broken family to be restored. Pray for healing for all. Instead of ridiculing her for her commitment to her husband, or encouraging her to leave him behind, let's affirm her decision to try and repair the marriage, praying and believing with her that all things are possible in Christ Jesus.

Including the restoration of a broken marriage.

Christian Fic Friday - March 20

Welcome to this week's edition of Christian Fiction Friday, a blog hop of current works in progress by Christian indie authors.

This week's snippet features a conversation between Izobel and her friends Justin and Emma Bennet (you can read their story in The Reunion) about Izzy's seemingly deceased love--and Justin's twin brother--Matt.

As always, be sure to check out the other blogs in the blog hop.

****Christian Fiction Friday is a weekly blog hop where authors post short (400-word or less) snippets from their current works in progress. It is hosted by Alana Terry and Hallee Bridgeman.*****

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      During a conversational lull, Izobel decided to share what had been preoccupying her thoughts the last few days. “I dreamed about Matt the other night. In my dream, he showed up at the door during the adoption celebration. He looked so different, none of us recognized him until he spoke.”

     Justin’s expression instantly sobered. “I’m sorry, Iz.”

      She shrugged a dainty shoulder. “For a long time, I kept hoping and praying that he’d be found and come home to us. After all, ‘missing in action, presumed killed in action’ leaves that door open, does it not?”

      He nodded. “We all shared that hope. But if he was going to be found alive, surely it would’ve been long before now, don’t you think?”

      “I know,” she agreed, wrapping her hands around her mug in reflection. After several minutes, she returned it to the coffee table and raised glistening eyes to theirs. “It’s just hard to let go of the dream.”

      “So much has changed in the last six years,” Justin mused aloud. “I mean, think about it. If he really is out there somewhere and by some miracle returns to us, he’ll have to come to terms with the fact that dad’s gone and he didn’t get to say goodbye.”
   

      “Nor was he there to see his brother marry,” Emma added quietly. “Not that it’s as big a deal as losing your dad.”

      He squeezed her knee affectionately. “No, but it’s no little thing, either.”

      “You’re right, though. Six years and there’s been no word? Doesn’t seem very likely he’s still out there. In fact, I’d say it’s an impossible dream at this point. Mamá has been pushing me to move on. She thinks the reason I haven’t been dating is because of the business I’ve been trying to launch. But if she knew the truth, she’d drive all the way here from El Paso and kill me.”

      Justin nodded his head with a smirk. “Yes, I believe she would.”

      She took one final sip of her hot chocolate before rising from her chair. It was time to make the long drive back to her condo on the outskirts of Denver and leave these two newlyweds alone for the evening. “It feels good to talk about him, at any rate. Thanks, guys.”

Christian Fiction Friday - Mar 13

It's that time of week once again. Sorry I missed last week -- we met up with some friends we hadn't seen in over 2 1/2 years. Then, by the time we got back, it was too late to blog. Hope you enjoy today's snippet from my work in progress, 'The Return'. It continues where the last one left off. As always, be sure to check back next week for more.

****Christian Fiction Friday is a weekly blog hop where authors post short (400-word or less) snippets from their current works in progress. It is hosted by Alana Terry and Hallee Bridgeman.******

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         Despair filled her heart. Why couldn’t she get past this? It had been six years already! Surely by now she should’ve been able to move on with someone else.

         Iozbel was startled when gentle fingers began kneading her shoulders, soothing away some of the tension in her body. Then, catching the scent of Lynne Bennet’s favorite perfume, she smiled. Despite the fact that she’d never married into the family, Matt’s mother had continued to treat her like a favored daughter long after they’d all said goodbye to her son.

         “Are you alright, Izzy, honey?”

        “I’m fine, mama. It’s just a headache.”
  
       “You need me to get you somethin’ for it?”

       She shook her head. “I sent Noah for my bag a few minutes ago.”
  
       The kneading ceased as Lynne leaned down into her peripheral vision. “He seems awfully clingy tonight. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
  
       A deep sigh from Izobel restarted the shoulder massage. “I know this has been hard for you, honey. But I actually really like Noah. He’s been a good friend to you, he’s a hard worker, and I know he earnestly loves the Lord. Plus, I’m not gonna lie. The boy is eye candy, pure and simple.”
  
       She choked back a laugh. “Mama!”
 
      “What? I’m not sayin’ anything any other female with eyes isn’t already thinkin’.”
 
      “But what if he hears you?” she asked, completely mortified at the thought. Good grief.
  
      “So what if he does? It might just give him the gumption he needs to follow through on what any fool with a brain can see he wants to do.”
 
      “And if I don’t want to go out with him? What then?”
  
      Once more, the massage stopped. This time, Lynne stepped around the chair and sat in the spot Noah had recently vacated. Instead of the teasing expression Izobel expected to see, she looked deadly serious. “I’m gonna ask you a question I should’ve asked a long time ago. Have you prayed about this, honey? Really prayed? Because as much as I’d wish it otherwise, my baby isn’t comin’ home. It’s time for you to let him go."