We had a lovely evening with friends tonight, sharing a meal and talking. It was such a pleasant time together.
Then, we received news that I didn't want to hear.
The family that had planned to move into our house and had said they'd buy the majority of our stuff from us has changed their mind and has decided to go to a language school in their country of service. We're talking about a large amount of money's worth of stuff they'd bespoken. All I could think about was how we now have only two weeks to sell this stuff, and if we don't that's just that much less we'll have to set up housekeeping with in Mexico.
In all of our preparation, Troy's been the one who has been concerned about the visas and how short a time we've had to begin the process. I've said to many people, "If God wants us to have the visas before we go to Mexico, we will. If not, He has another plan in mind. Nothing I can do will speed up the process one bit, so why worry about it?" In a sense, I've bragged about how much I don't worry about stuff. Whatever happens happens.
Well, tonight I proved myself to be a big, fat liar.
The minute I heard we were going to have to try to resell our stuff, I immediately was in a panic. What if we can't? What if we have to leave some behind? What if we don't have enough money to adequately fill our house in Mexico (when we first started raising support, we, having never completely furnished a house before, cut our housing budget in half. In. Half. Now, looking at how expensive beds are, we are wishing we hadn't done that. So if you're reading this, you're a missionary, and you're contemplating cutting your budget to save yourself a few hundred dollars a month, DON'T.)? For the last year, we've lived without things on the walls, with stuff that really isn't ours, and I'd really looked forward to "fluffing our nest". To really making this next home ours. And I felt like that had been taken from me. Because of course, I panicked to the degree that I just knew we would have nothing with which to build a home. (Not true. We have some budgeted in our support, and we've been saving our own personal money to help supplement.)
So I decided to post a "prayer request" on our Facebook group.
But what was the very first post in my news feed upon logging into Facebook? A friend had posted Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Wow. God could not have sent me a clearer message had He picked up the phone and placed a direct call to our house. He showed me what I should've known all along, that, although I may not necessarily fret about the visas, I most definitely do lean on my own understanding. I try to plan my own way. Figure things out for myself instead of just trusting God to provide. You'd think after 4 years of fund-raising I would've learned this lesson by now.
I'm still, and probably for a long time to come, will be learning not to lean on my own understanding. Learning to completely submit to Him, yes, even in my desire to make a home for our family (a good desire at that). And trusting Him to straighten my paths and provide the things we need in His timing and in His way.
Even if we don't sell a thing, this is the best thing to happen for us because it is another opportunity for us to learn how to completely trust in Him.
And I thank Him.